• Paul

I am a talker, not a fighter.

Updated: Aug 9, 2019

A tired young half-elf strolled into a clinic holding his right hand with his left. He asked if the doctor was inn, and the nurse calmly sent him into his office.

“Do you have any experience in reconnecting severed limbs?” - he asked the doctor

“No, but it looks like i might get some now” - the doctor replied

The stump where his right hand used to be was still wet from a mixture of blood, sea water and sweat. The only thing stopping the bleeding was an arm bracer pushed up as close to the shoulder as possible and tightened severely.

“While re-attaching this is more of a necromancers job, what i can do is stop the bleeding and stop the infection you are guaranteed to already have. May i ask how one loses ones arm?” - the doctor inquired

“Well, it all began when we were trying to get a dwarf envoy back to our city”

We were camped outside a hostile port city in the dark, when we spotted someone who we thought were doing the same thing as us, stealing a ship. and logically one would obviously take the saying “The enemy of my enemy, would most likely at least not try to kill us.”

That is where i took the brave decision of walking out of hiding and talking to the other counterparts. The unintended consequence of this was me finding a bag over my head. The “people” we had stumbled upon were in fact a previous adversary, the Mantis Shrimp. She, an ork-pirate we had previously left to die in the vast ocean after skillfully stealing and parading their rudder on our own ship, Was a bit angry surprisingly. But seeing as she had stolen a certain amulet from us previously, i felt justified.

After my co… “co-workers” failed to save me… or managed to trade me for our own captain and a 1000 gold, we were now tasked with finding our enemy a ship in exchange for our captain. So we got into the city by climbing over the outer walls where we spotted a patrol consisting of two kobolds. Me being my diplomatic self went out of the darkness and tried to talk to the kobolds without consulting with my peers. This worked as intended of being a distraction while my more stealthy friend cut the alarm bells of the kobolds belts.

With them neutralized, we now only had the problem of all the noise and evidence killing kobolds leaves behind, we took the bodies with us and sprinkled some traceless powder behind us. we scuttled down an alley where we disposed of the bodies in a nearby cart, when we saw two more of the wretched things coming towards us. My friends again unbravely hid in the darkness, and i was alone. I don't hide from a fight, and i don't fight either, i talk, or try to.

We talked a bit before one of them unpredictably stabbed me in the abdomen with his spear. They rung their alarm bells and after disposing of their bodies as well we ran to the docks and found the closest ship. Here we fought off kobolds while also getting the ship in a departure-esque mood. This went quite well and it was only when we were picking up our sailors outside the city when we noticed we had picked the only unfinished ship in the harbour. I call it a ship, but it was more of a small yacht.

Being powered by a rudder, squid and a water elemental all summoned by a wizard, we got to the cove wherein our captain was being held. The squid the disappeared along with the water elemental when their time in this realm expired, and the wizard turned invisible. The Mantis Shrimp, being displeased with our vessel now demanded we take her to our home where we give her an other ship, we agreed and as none of her crew could fit we left our sailors behind and got a pirate crew instead.

After sailing a short while our wizard was noticed, this again displeased the Mantis Shrimp. She demanded the wizard come out, and threatened that she would kill the halfling in our party. Not showing himself, the halfling was thrown overboard and dragged back up. I then threw a head i had in my backpack into the sea behind us and claimed that was the wizard. The Mantis Shrimp accepted this and we moved on to the next problem, a kraken.

The Ork cut off two tentacles within the first seconds, and seeing this i used it as a distraction to steal back the amulet she had stolen before from us. I took my arm around her waist and reached up, grabbing what i thought was the prize. It was not the amulet, it was her right breast. Shocked and adrenaline pumped she swung with her left axe and… “That’s how i lost my arm”

“What do you mean, what happened to the kraken?”

“well, we killed it, sailed here in a couple of hours and while the halfling tried to steal from one of the pirates and almost had his arm cut off as well, we fixed the Mantis Shrimp’s boat and sent her on her way. Not before getting my amulet back by the way. Now, what can you do about my arm.”

“Not a lot.” - the doctor replied

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