NBC Searching For Sinless Person To Fill Void In Primetime Programming, Hearts

Sources at NBC reported a lonely, guilt-ridden work atmosphere at the network after a year of fruitlessly searching for the perfect host to fill their 6:30-7:00 p.m. time slot, and also the emptiness in their hearts.

"It seems that every host that we interview for the Jeopardy position has, in some way or another, fallen short of the glory that we would like to see represented on our most popular game show," said a network executive, who spoke from the anonymity of a Catholic confessional booth. "Also, many of us find ourselves weighed down by the burden of sin, and are desperately searching for forgiveness from someone, anyone, with the authority that can only come from a spotless reputation."

Their search has already discounted Mayim Bialik, who is apparently unqualified for the Jeopardy position because of her views on the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, and the Prophet Mohammed, who was unqualified for the position of personal savior for wholly unrelated reasons.

Thousands of Jeopardy fans are suggesting LeVar Burton might be a qualified host for the show, although these same fans admittedly share concerns that he may not be able to grant Heavenly clemency for our mortal sins.

At the time of publishing, Jesus Christ was seen comforting another woman with problematic tweets in the empty NBC studio, saying, "Then neither do I condemn you."



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